How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
