I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
