Non-Jews are for practice
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
