there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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