suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
