She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
