wakey wakey hands off snakey
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
