pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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