am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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