Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
