I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
