I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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