it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
