ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
