You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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