I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
