Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
