I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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