Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
