dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
