Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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