There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize