I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
