we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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