wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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