Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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