Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
