Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
