Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
