It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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