The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The ass gains better be worth it
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