Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
