Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
