i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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