My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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