Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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