Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
