He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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