I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
