Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
