Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
