You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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