Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
