I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
