just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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