i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
