My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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