my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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