I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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