I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
