Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
