Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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