out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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