"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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