I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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