I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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