you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
