If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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