I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
