she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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