Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
