First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
